Q&A: Being Benedict
Liam says, "Uncle Benedict, are you secretly Fabulous under that uniform with all the ribbons and buckles and bits of shiny flim-flam?"

You have seen my @desc, right? It makes me look like a predatory and rather brown Doric column. No decoration at all, not even vertical lines. Oh, wait. You're not talking about that uniform? I thought we agreed that what happens in the Blue Pussycat Club stays in the Blue Pussycat Club.
Uh... I mean no. I'm a hard-bastard nutjob with a hair-trigger temper and a 10-a-day tea habit.

Theophrastus says, "Now that you've married, is there anything your household lacks that congratulatory members of the nobility might send you? A silver fish slice? Crystal goblets? An imposing prosthetic gauntlet?"

Technically this is more about other people than me, but I'll let it stand. Yes - they can send me nothing. An unwrapped box of nothing with no attention in it. And to the person who sent the horse, thanks but no thanks.
And if you try to ruin the hand count, I will ... probably just snap at you and then walk away. Which isn't much of a threat, in fact. Peace out!

Valentine says, "Deep in the recesses of your soul, what kind of hat do you /really/ want?"

Tricky, tricky. Page 14 of issue 12 of Arms and Armour. (Please do not snicker at the title.) The 'Coward Automatic 2000.' It has a spike on the inside and it makes the world go away.